Personal Journey Entry # 3

Maybe it was engineering school or a lifelong career in management, but I have rarely been lost. Surrounded by flow charts, spreadsheets, and budgets, I always knew where I was, where I needed to be, and a plan to get from A to B. This past week, since getting the call telling me I had Esophageal Cancer, my mind has been out of focus and going a hundred miles an hour in a dozen different directions. It is a helpless feeling fueled by the unknown and a plethora of information that can either give you hope or shatter it and bring you to tears. It is something I must stop. I picked up the remote and searched YouTube for videos on EC. I’ll find one on a survivor who beat Stage 3, followed by another with a doctor telling me I have a 40% chance of living the next five years. A foolish exercise, made even more so by not knowing any more than I did a week ago. That in itself is painful. Why don’t the people I speak with at a hospital or clinic share my desire for answers and a plan? Probably because they do not wake up knowing evil cancerous cells are replacing more of their healthy ones.

There is no pain or discomfort. Had I not had the bad results of a routine test, I would have been clueless about my damaged body. It is a stealth, but it is now on our radar and ready for a fight. I think about all that I have to get done for Shay. She is my ultimate angel and partner; an unfinished to-do list is not in the cards. Keeping busy and writing are two of my tools for peace of mind. I know by the end of the week, we will have a plan for testing, which will answer some of the open questions and set the strategy for treatment and success. I knew we would get a flow chart into this story. God bless, and thanks for listening.