Personal Journey Entry # 33

You are going on a business trip or lucky enough to take the family on a much needed vacation. You bought your ticket, checked your bags, had your boarding pass, and walked down the runway to enter the plane. Do you greet the flight attendant, choose your seat, or ask to see the pilot and his credentials? Of course, you throw your bag in the overhead, grab a window seat, and wait for take-off. You have been conditioned to believe that the pilot and crew will get you safely from point A to point B without a second thought. You have faith and surrender to the system, which has never failed you. The journey to remission from cancer is very similar, and you pray for a similarly successful trip.

Since I received the diagnosis of esophageal cancer on January 28, I have had seven doctors/surgeons and countless techs in ten hospitals and facilities. I have tried very hard to have a calm demeanor and maintain a positive outlook on my journey by doing one thing with every person I meet wearing a white lab coat: I have faith and surrender to the system. And, oh yeah, I have unconditional faith and surrendered my life into the hands and heart of God Almighty. From the start, I realized that I am essentially powerless on this journey and that God has ultimate control. He alone will determine my fate. I can pray for God’s love and mercy, but he will decide if it is my turn to come home to Him or if he has more for me to do in life. This decision has made this journey so much easier to navigate.

We have had some challenging moments, and I have broken down and cried on a few occasions. We have had some failed procedures and moments of false hope, but with every setback, God has presented a new choice for how we want to continue. I try not to use the pronoun “I” and instead use “we” a lot. I do not believe you go through life alone, and you certainly do not fight cancer alone. Hopefully, you are lucky enough and have a loving, trusted partner by your side, and I am blessed with the best. Shay has been with me every step since we first heard the word cancer. She has supported me, prayed with me, and loved me, giving me the strength to do my job: beat this cancer. Shay, my Angels, and our dear friends have gotten us this far and will be with us when we finish this journey. My preferred pronoun has been “we” long before any of us knew what a preferred pronoun was.

We are rounding the clubhouse turn and entering the home stretch. The next three months of chemo and radiation will hopefully bring us the winning ticket and a chance to ring the bell. Our job is simple. We must continue to have faith in every member of our team and constantly wave the white flag of surrender to the one True King, God Almighty, above. Doing this will allow us to enjoy every day without stress and worry. We may live life, but it is God who maps our route.

Thank you for stopping by and for being with us on our journey. We are beating cancer together and growing as individuals and children of God. The latter may be the greatest gift of all.

God bless you and shine his light upon you. Love, Ray