Personal Journey Entry # 49

Well, I never envisioned when I started this substack to chronicle my journey to remission that I would be pushing 50 chapters. I was hoping for the six-part mini-series, and not months of Law and Order. As I have said many times, this challenge is out of my hands, and either God is unhappy with me, or He thinks I can handle many successive setbacks and trials. It appears that my twenty-eight Radiation treatments may have killed the Cancer, but have wreaked a new havoc on my heart. Though the team does its best to protect your healthy organs from the radiation beam, the heart is just too close to the target to avoid, and now we have a new issue to overcome.

Shay and I met with my cardiologist yesterday, and he diagnosed my symptoms and started a plan to get my heart back in order. I have all of the symptoms of radiation damage, and it has culminated in Congestive Heart Failure. My blood pressure is too low, my heart rate too high and erratic, I am in A-Fib 100% of the time, my cough is still preventing any sleep, and I am retaining ten to fifteen pounds of fluid in my legs and lungs. And, oh yeah, any physical activity brings a complete shortness of breath. None of this adds up to a healthy situation, and we are going to treat my heart with drugs for now, as there may be too much risk from the Cancer for any invasive procedure.

I have been with Dr. Porter at Exeter Hospital for a few years now and have total confidence in him. Yesterday’s visit was Shay’s first time meeting the young and energetic Doc, and she had to smile at his mannerisms. He tends to talk to himself, and I joked with him that I seldom hear the answers to his questions. Or when he is reviewing notes and exclaims, “yikes,” it tends to get tense in the room. I had typed up a timeline of events since the diagnosis of my Cancer in January, and he thinks I may have set a new high for challenges, and we need to get this treatment right. It is going to take some time, and I am confident we will come out of this new battle with a win.

I started an online Cancer Support group about six weeks ago. It is called Grace Along Your Journey, and I may be getting the most out of it. We have some incredible people in the group: patients, survivors, and caregivers, and they are all amazing and share a common bond with God. I think anyone would question God’s work or motives when looking at the failures of the procedures I have had, but I think I have experienced the opposite. I truly believe my faith is stronger each day, and nothing Dr. Porter said yesterday put fear in my mind or my damaged heart. I just processed it and said, Let’s do what we have to do to get back to living.

This journey has been so complicated, but one thing I know for sure is that I will emerge from it healthy and stronger, physically, mentally, and emotionally, and my faith will have never been greater. Shay continues to be my rock, and we are surrounded by the best friends we could ask for. We have a dream team to fight this battle, and though I have no idea when, I have no doubt God and this team will lead us to victory. Setbacks can tear you down if you let them. I look at them as building blocks, adding to a stronger foundation of life.

God bless all of you, and thank you for your prayers and support. We love you all so much.