Personal Journey Entry # 46

I should probably be upset by the events of the last few weeks, but my acceptance of my fate and the ultimate plan of God above is preventing that emotion from rising to the surface. The radiation and chemo treatments have been done for many weeks, and we have accepted the fact that we must wait until December to see if the treatments were successful, but my heart has decided it would like some attention. This jealous desire has landed me in the ER and hospital a few times in the last couple of weeks and, if nothing else, is becoming quite the nuisance.

The symptoms started popping up in a quiet manner that was easy to overlook. I was exhausted, my ankles and feet had swollen beyond recognition, and I had a violent cough that lasted for going on five weeks. The cough was the last straw. I went to the ER, and the next thing I knew, ten techs surrounded me, I was being put under, and the doctor was holding the shock paddles over my chest. I came to and was told my heart had been restarted, and the rhythm was now consistent. Sounded good, but not so fast.

The following two nights were spent in Maine, with sleep being interrupted by violent coughing sessions. The first night found me on the floor of the bathroom, the toilet seat broken into three pieces, and a very sore, but intact, jaw. The second night, I awoke on the bathroom floor with intense pain in my back from landing on the baseboard heater. This was not a good trend. I scheduled a follow-up visit with my PCP, who told me I could either drive to the ER or he would put me in an ambulance. I drove and have a great room with a beautiful view, on the fourth floor of Exeter Hospital. My blood pressure is too low, my heart rate too erratic, and I was told to settle in until Monday afternoon. Holly took care of the pups the first day until Shay could hop on a plane and get back from the condo in Florida. She got in around 1:30 AM and has been with me at the hospital since. I am being put on a new med today to adjust my heart rate, and I will go home tomorrow or get hit with the paddles again. 

I am remarkably calm and accepting. My biggest concern was for the pups, and feeling bad, I cut Shay’s trip short. She assured me she would make it up in November. 

This chapter is consistent with the roller coaster journey we have been on since January. If it can go wrong, it has, but we accept it and move on to the next step. Whether blind faith or foolish optimism, I am convinced we will be rewarded with good news by Dr. Tompkins in December, and Shay and I will ring that bell together. The one consistent throughout has been Shay’s love and attention, and the concern and prayers from my Angels. This love and my faith are going to win this battle for us, and someday we will look back at this journey and smile, knowing with God’s help, we kicked cancer and heart disease in the butt. We will be stronger as a team, and in our renewed faith in God and his ultimate plan.

Thanks as always for stopping by. Shay and I pray for you all and know you are in the good hands of our Creator. God bless you all. Love, Ray