Personal Journey Entry # 18

It is hard to think about having cancer yet being the luckiest guy in the world, but that is how I feel. We already talked about the timing of a routine screening that I had in January and the good fortune of catching the carcinoma in my esophagus in Stage 1. Stage 1 is the only point where surgery and removal of the invaded cells from my body will be performed. Any delay in detection and progression into Stages 2, 3, or 4, and we would have been looking at months or years of radiation, immunotherapy, and/or chemotherapy. God was watching over me, for sure.

However, it is not just Stage 1 and the scheduled surgery in three weeks; it is the good news that keeps coming. We met with Dr. Lassaletta on Wednesday and got word that he and Dr. Federico would use robotic surgery, a less invasive method, and I would not require a feeding tube. We talked about options and worst-case scenarios, but we were committed to surgery. These two new elements should mean less trauma and quicker recovery. So, bring it on, and let’s start healing.

On Thursday, I attended a support group for newly diagnosed cancer patients, and the topic for the week was dealing with emotions and feelings. I had an issue because I was ambivalent about my situation. I have no feelings, one way or another, about my damaged esophagus that will be removed in a few weeks. I am not angry, depressed, despondent, or even scared about the surgery and recovery. I have total confidence in my surgical team and the process, plus I have an abundance of supporters who have been praying with and for me as we walk the journey ahead. I only feel the anxiety created by a slow-motion medical world out of sync with the real world. I was meeting with my new friends, Dave and Kathy, this morning when Kathy made a statement that made me pause, for it was so profound and aligned perfectly with my beliefs. She said they never had a moment when they asked why me; instead, they felt why not me. It expressed exactly how I have been rationalizing my condition. If you genuinely believe in God’s plan, you must accept life’s good and bad events. You do not have to understand them, but you must embrace them. I have been blessed in my life. If cancer is the challenge God has for me, then accept it and come up with a plan to beat it. Esophageal cancer is relatively rare, accounting for about 1% of cancer cases in the United States, with an incidence rate of approximately four new cases per 100,000 people annually. If this is the card I have drawn, then so be it. If God has more for me to do in life, he will guide me to recovery. I am at peace with his plan and know our prayers will be answered positively.

That is how I get up in the morning and turn the key on my bus. That is how I can smile at and be thankful for my friends. That is how I can be joyous about the simplest things in life, like a beautiful sunrise. God’s beauty surrounds us, and if we must be challenged at times to appreciate it, then so be it. Thank you, Kathy, for putting my inner thoughts into words. I could not have done it so eloquently. Shay and I thank God for bringing you and Dave into our lives, and we are happy to add you to our team of angels who are carrying us on their wings and prayers to ring that bell.