Personal Journey Entry # 50

Today begins the magical holiday season that conjures up wonderful memories from so many decades ago. I am hoping that this year’s season will bring about a successful end to my cancer journey, and this year can go from the reality folder to the memory box.

I certainly am not thankful for the cancer or the heart problems it brought with it, but I am incredibly grateful for the life lessons and personal growth that were bonuses and add-ons to this horrible disease. Cancer is a life-changer, not just for the person hosting the evil growth, but also for the family and friends in the circle of support. The cancer treatment has become very mechanical, but my incredible circle is what I choose to dwell on. I also have a reborn faith that has allowed me to accept and be at peace with all that has happened this year, and to know that I am but a minuscule speck in the master plan of our Savior above. Surrendering to him was the best decision of my life.

In two weeks, Dr. Tompkins will perform an endoscopy, the eighth scope of the year, to determine if the esophagus is free of cancer and well on its way to complete repair. I am still having difficulty swallowing and hope that it will be gone in time. I have never been in pain through this journey, but the waiting is excruciating. As good as our medical treatments are, our medical infrastructure needs treatment.

I had another challenge thrown into the mix this week as I scheduled my yearly DOT physical for my school bus medical certificate. The cancer is not an issue, but the congestive heart failure is, and there are additional tests and evaluations to have before I can be cleared to drive. I should have anticipated the red tape, but I had minimized the heart condition as just another situation that we would treat, and it would be gone. My bad. Just something else to deal with.

I made a promise to myself when I was diagnosed in January that the cancer would not define me, but the manner in which I dealt with the cancer would. I hope that I have lived up to this pledge. I know that I have grown in so many ways and feel I am a better person today than I was before the cancer. I know that I appreciate each sunrise more and even the sunsets, too. I have a deeper love for all the people in my circle and realize they are worth more than any physical item I could possess. And I have a new and stronger relationship with God, and I realize that we do not control our destiny, as he has already written our story. Life’s decisions are much simpler when you know God has got the wheel.

I thank God for every one of you and ask him to bless and hold you in his arms. Happy Thanksgiving and a blessed and Merry Holiday Season. Love you, Ray