Personal Journey Entry # 31

I am having a difficult time putting this journey into focus. I am in another one of the holding patterns that have become a symbol of this story, and it is becoming real that chemo and radiation begin next week. We have already had two plate appearances, but we failed to get the job done. So we will take another shot, but we are running out of innings. I want to believe that this round of treatments will rid my body of cancer, but my surgeons tell me they are ready to operate again if needed. That does not give me a ton of confidence.

I have had folks tell me how much I have gone through, but I don’t feel that way. Yes, I have had eight surgeries/procedures and visited ten different hospitals and clinics since January, and we have visited, but I was asleep for all of them. I have never had any pain or discomfort from any event, and except for incredible fatigue, I am still asymptomatic. I feel that Shay has had the rough end of the deal as she has had to play the waiting game. She has been amazing and has given me so much strength through her support. I could not ask for a better partner to fight this battle. You do not fight cancer alone.

We are in the dark about what lies ahead. We have an Educational Consult on Monday to discuss the chemo treatment and a CT scan to mark the target for radiation. We do not have a schedule or duration for either. The one thing I find the hardest to navigate is the unknown. You just have to have faith in the medical team and the process. To keep everyone in line, I always have my wooden prayer cross with me. The Big Guy is always in our corner.

I’ll park the school bus this afternoon until the fall and head to Maine for the summer. It will be wonderful and comforting to be amongst our Pond People again. They have all said they are ready to get us over the finish line, and I have no doubt they will not accept any other outcome. Like I said, you do not fight this evil invader alone.

Thank you all for stopping by. May God bless you and keep you. Until next time, I love you, Ray