Personal Journey Entry # 48

It has been nearly 9 months to the day since Shay and I heard the word cancer from the lips of Dr. Tompkins. There was no dramatic display of emotion, and we both seemed to take the news in stride, but my mind was racing —going somewhere very surprising to me, but also comforting at the same time. I immediately took Shay’s hand in mine and surrendered myself, body and mind, to Jesus Christ. This was not an act I took lightly, and every day since, I look back and am so thankful that I had that reaction and that I proclaimed Jesus Christ in charge of my body and future. That act has made the last nine months tolerable —and, can I say, less stressful. When I took myself out of the decision process, I was able to live with the cancer and with confidence that God was with us every step of the journey, and He already had the advantage of knowing the outcome. Maybe that wasn’t fair, but it was part of the deal.

I never questioned any of my many doctors’ decisions or plans. I was comfortable that these were the people that God put in my life, and I trusted them completely. Even when none of the procedures went as planned, and many of the twelve went awry, I still felt it happened for a reason and chose to be patient and stick with the plan.

From the failed Esophagectomy, failed Endoscopy/resection, and failed cardioversions, we have many reasons to doubt the process. We have been taught — and now shown —that God has a plan for each of us, and we must trust in Him without trepidation.

We have two critical dates coming up. I have a CT scan on November 21 and an Endoscopy on December 10. These will be the first visual assessments as to whether the Radiation and Chemotherapy did their job and eradicated the tumor. These are all about faith at this point. I am not nervous or anxious about either, for even though we have not had luck with procedures, I have more confidence in the poisons I ingested to kill off the cancer. There is a Plan B, but I am not going there. I know in my heart that we will be pleased with the results, and all the discomfort from the treatments will have been worth it.

I have the pleasure of being surrounded by people who have completed their journey and rang the bell. It is crucial to stress positivity, as it is so easy to fall into doubt and despair. This is an easy task when surrounded by loving and caring supporters who pray for you daily and will do anything to help ease the burden of this evil disease. I loved them all before, and only love them more today. I have to ask them to yield a bit, for I need room for my guide and savior, Jesus Christ, who is walking each step with me to a place only he knows. I know I will be safe, because I am convinced He has more work for me to do. I am getting rested and ready for whatever it is He wants me to do. After all, we are now on this journey together. He has always been there, and I just needed to acknowledge Him and ask Him to take the wheel.

Thank you all for stopping in and for letting me share my deepest thoughts for the last nine months. I love you all and could not have gotten this far without your help and support. I need you for one last push to get us over the line, and let’s ring the bell loudly- we all have earned it.

God bless you and save you. Love, Ray